Memo to: Luc Cousineau
Re: My Seat in Parliament
Luc, is there any way I can change my seat in Parliament? Sitting in front of Elizabeth May is killing me. First, she just can’t stop whispering, and that laugh of hers just totally, like really, grates my nerves. Baww, every time, I take a drink from my water bottle, she smacks me on the back of my head. But, that’s not the worst. Yesterday, she asked to use my hair spray three times during the day, and I had to send a staffer to buy a new bottle before adjournment. She also wanted to use my hair brush, but I told her enough is enough.
BTW, I love the new NDP freaks – like, they’re so cool. I’m sort of their big brother – kinda – they didn’t have a clue where to smoke some 420, so I showed them the best places to take a toke. Can you call my dealer and cancel my next shipment? I think I’ll just mooch off these guys for a awhile. Its funny seeing them get the munchies – man can they down the Big Macs and fries during break time. No vegan shit for them!
That last caucus meeting was so fucking boring. I mean, like, Rae just thinks he owns the place. With Ignatieff, I could just sleep through the meetings – and with 73 MPs I could just sit in the back and hide. But, now, with only 30 people, Rae actually assigned seats to everybody and he fucking puts me right in the front. Then he had the nerve to ask me questions in front of everybody. Like I have all the answers! Duh, doesn’t he get it? Fuck, I thought the 2 hour meeting was going to drag on, like forever. Luc, do I have to attend all the caucus meetings? Those NDP boys say that Jack does all the talking in their caucus meetings and that they don’t have to say a thing.
And, why on earth did Rae make me fucking critic for University and Colleges. Like I even have a degree! But, it’s cool, I’ll get to spend more time on campus, and it will make it easier to attend Israeli Apartheid Week. Do you think I can be a guest speaker at some of the events in 2012? I love it when the babes start talking about sanctions and boycotts!
Luc, can you get a quote for some Justin 2012 t-shirts? When the EDA gets its refund from Elections Canada, I want to make 5,000 of the suckers. But, not just any t-shirt – let’s make them Armani. Giorgio showed me some new designs when I was in Italy last year, and he said he could tweak them for my new campaign. Something that says brash, something that says substance. Can you call him? And, can you ask him, like, where’s my last order?