June 28th: Lessons from the Filibuster....

Memo to: Brad Lavigne

Re: Lessons from our Filibuster...
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Brad, boy did we catch the Conservatives off guard with our filibuster! Did you see Stephen Harper’s icy cold blue eyes? Of course you didn’t. My god, they were red! I caught him yawning 3 times! Baird could hardly see straight (a joke, Brad!). And, those guys never have any fun – gee, we had a slumber night; I counted at least 5 poker games; and Libby showed “I Love Lucy” reruns all night. It was like being back in University! I even won a few bucks.

I was really sad when Lamelin called it all off – I was all set for an evening of Murphy Brown. Olivia had even bought hot chocolate with those tiny marshmallows. Oh well, we’ll save it for the next filibuster.

I do think there were some key learning’s – I want to show that the NDP is open to change and that we can even make filibusters better.

1. That revolving poker game was a hoot! I can’t believe that Libby smoked us all out. Fuck, those NDP kids from Quebec don’t know squat about poker – I think they’ll be doing Friday duty for Libby for years. But, next time tell them they can’t crap out after losing a few hundred dollars – Goddam, they’re in the the big leagues now. And, tell Rae to get his own fucking game – I think he was looking for some easy marks.

2. Brad, can you call Van Loan? I think it would be much better for the next filibuster to use the Senate Chamber rather than the House of Commons. Since we’re rotating MPs in and out of the debate, we don’t need as many seats, and let’s face it, the seats in the Senate are much more comfortable. They’re almost made for a filibuster, no? I wouldn’t have to bring in all my extra cushions. If Van Loan agrees, we can play this up as yet another example of how the NDP is making Parliament work.

3. Can you keep Justin Trudeau away from our MPs? I think he was playing Hide and Go Seek with Brosseau and her friends. I can’t say for sure because they all ran when I walked down the hall, but I can tell Trudeau’s Armani shirts from a mile away. Can’t he play with his own caucus?

4. Can you call Lemelin and tell him not to text me 487 times in one evening. He was sending over amendments, talking points, and even fake letters from constituents. I mean, helpful stuff, but can’t you get him to text Mulcair or Dewar? And, can you tell Lemelin to give us some warning before he pulls the plug? We had just ordered in Chinese and we had to wait for the delivery.

5. Can you tell all the MPs to keep at least 3 changes of clothes in their office? The big win out of all this is that the Canadian public realize that we dress better than the Conservatives, but let’s really drive the point home in the next filibuster. And, can you ask the Speaker to perhaps loosen the rules for filibusters – perhaps easing the requirements for ties. Maybe we can get all party approval for this.

6. Olivia wants to know if she is entitled to overtime pay. I couldn’t see why not, but can you check with Privy Council office?

Brad, one last thing. Can you make a small statuette for the entire caucus to commemorate our first filibuster? And put on the back “Mr Layton Goes to Ottawa”. Let’s make it classy!

Jack