Wednesday, June 22, 2011

June 22: Feedback on the Convention...

Memo to: Brad Lavigne

Re: Feedback on the Convention
Brad, I am totally exhausted from the Convention. I’m really happy Olivia insisted on using the corporate VIP box – the wine bar alone was more than worth the price! I don’t want to be picky, but can you tell them they need to stock a few more Quebec wines? Olivia also found the couches to be a tad on the hard side, so she had to send her staff to buy some throw pillows and an ottoman for my feet. It was a good thing you were able to talk the store into opening at midnight, otherwise Olivia would have been grumpy. I’ve attached the receipts, so please have the office send her a cheque as soon as possible.

It’s great that we’re so united, but the bitching and complaining was a pain. Every two minutes somebody was knocking on our VIP door telling on somebody. Libby was upset that Mulcair accidentally spilled his apple juice on her seat. Dewar complained that Pat hogged the cucumber sandwiches at the Vegan Circle lunch. Comartin didn’t think it was fair that Brosseau’s seat was three rows in front of him. And, the young socialist bunch was really pissed when they were called the young socialites in the programme. But I had to laugh when Judy suggested we take the word ‘socialite’ out of our constitution! I never knew she had a sense of humour.

I didn’t know that Libby was on garbage patrol. I can’t believe she had her team go through all the garbage and send me a report. For Christ’s sake, it was 27 pages single-spaced! She found 178 Harvey’s wrappers; 135 KFC boxes; 457 water bottles; 265 hot dog wrappers from vendors outside the Convention Hall; 477 Coca-Cola cans (diet and regular); 389 condoms (a new NDP record by the way); 18 crack pipes; and 235 needles. What was most troubling was that she found over 190 copies of the National Post! If I know Libby, she’s now checking the security tapes and dusting those papers for fingerprints; I told you she watches too much CSI.

Brad, can you have a chat with Dewar? When I saw that the initial turnout from our youth wing was poor, I sent him over to bail some of them out of jail. But, he had to miss half of the first day and he wasn’t happy at all. Dobbin thinks they rioted because of Preston Manning and I think he’s onto something. Can you get him to work this up into a speech on, what I would call, the Manning Generation? Give the speech to Dewar and let him run with it – perhaps he can get some testimonials from some of the kids he bailed out – you know, blaming Preston?

Brad, I was delighted to see that the Broadbent Institute will be opening in the fall. Is there anybody in Canada who is more qualified to bring some ethics back into government? Can you call Ed and see if he can put Olivia on his Board of Directors? But first, find out if the Directors get a honourarium. If the pay is right, she might also be willing to teach a course or two. In return, I think I can get Rabble to be a co-sponsor of the Institute – gee, we can make it the Rabble-Broadbent Institute. A win-win situation for everybody!


1 comment:

  1. Keep up the good work, I look forward to these memos! Funny, but with a real hint of truth.