Friday, June 24, 2011

June 24th: The Filibuster...

Memo to: Brad Lavigne

Re: Our Filibuster..
Brad, can you run a few errands for me while I am tied up in Parliament? I have a few overdue bills to pay, so can you quietly find an NDP staffer who can drive my cheques to Toronto and hand deliver them? I think Olivia also has a few things she needs delivered, and can you pick a few pairs of stockings from our house?

Jesus, sitting here all day has not only fucked up my back, but my haemorrhoids are killing me. Can you run out and get a few tubes of Preparation-H? You might want to text Libby and see if she needs some as well. Is there any chance I can bring in an extra cushion for my back? Perhaps you can check with the speaker if he’ll allow it? That big orange cushion (with my picture on it) in my office would be perfect. Perhaps we can make a deal with the government to shorten the debate if I can get my cushion. Once again, we can show how the NDP makes Parliament work.

As a nice touch for the caucus, can you go out and buy 103 of those neck pillows that people use on the plane? Get them in orange – it would be a nice statement if the whole caucus used them tonight. Do you think there’s enough time to put my picture on all of them?

Libby is getting crabbier and crabbier. If this goes on much longer, she’s going to explode in the house. First, she’s trying to get out of here to catch the Canadian Boat to Gaza. She has a first class seat and they’ve promised her only the best vegan food. All of her friends are on board and Rabble is paying her to cover the journey. If she misses the boat, life is going to be hell back in her riding. Secondly, she has to pee every 10 minutes and half the caucus has to get up to let her through. Mulcair refused to get up and forced her to jump over him and, let me tell you, that was a kerfuffle. When I suggested she use those adult diapers, well, let’s just say she was a tad miffed.


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