Tuesday, July 12, 2011

July 12th: Grandstanding!

Memo to: Brad Lavigne

Re: Grandstanding!
Brad, I am wondering if we have time for a quick press conference this month. I think the press needs to understand the new NDP muscular foreign policy. Last week, Dewar and I stared down the Israelis regarding the Canadian Boat to Gaza (we told Miriam Ziv, the Israeli Ambassador not to harm the Tahrir and she was quaking, let me tell you), and this week we’ve torn John Baird a new one.

Can you believe Baird announcing that Canada will boycott the UN Disarmament Conference because North Korea is the chair? Dewar drew some blood with his line about the Conservatives “grandstanding”! I mean that’s what they always do....they swagger, they strut, and they flaunt. But, we’re the party of talk, we’re the party of constructive engagement – and they’re the party of boycotts.

For God’s sake, they’ve even announced a boycott of the Durban III conference on racism! How stupid is that? They haven’t even seen the agenda! Well, guess what? We’ll go to the Durban conference and we’ll show people why Canada needs to engage on the world stage. Brad, can you book Olivia and me first-class tickets to New York for September? Let’s book now to avoid the rush – and can you book the Ty Warner Penthouse at the Four Seasons? Olivia feels their Infinity Edge bathtubs are perfect for my back, and I love their Swedish Hastens Vividus mattress (I sleep like a baby). We’ll need their limousine service to quickly get us to and from the conference. And, for some reason, it’s the only hotel in Manhattan that carries the CBC!

Do we have to take Dewar? Probably best to leave him at home – Olivia and I are much more photogenic, no?

And, can you find out how many delegates are going to attend the Durban Conference? I’d like to give them all an Orange Jack Layton pen and pencil set – you know the ones with the natural vegetable dye inks? Perhaps we can package them in a recyclable paper box with my picture on the front (do we have the budget for four-colour printing?). And, then inscribe them with a “Happy Durban III from your friends at the NDP.” And, one last thing – have them numbered sequentially for authenticity. I have a feeling they’re going to be collectible.

This might be the perfect time for my maiden speech to the UN. But, instead of addressing the General Assembly, I can focus, like a razor, on human rights. And, that’s always been our specialty, no? All the right people will be there, so who can make this happen? Can you call Naomi and see if Stephen Lewis can make some phone calls? If you have to, tell Naomi we’ll give out copies of her latest book out along with our pen sets.

And, should we give the exclusive to the Toronto Star? Normally, I’d give it to Rabble, but I want to see this in print – perhaps a huge above-the-fold headline linking to a double-page colour foldout. Something like – “Jack goes to the UN” – complete with pictures of Olivia and I talking to foreign leaders. Or should I say engaging foreign leaders?


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